Dude… I frigen locked myself out of my house. I was sitting right there outside… taking trash out… and left all the doors open.
I swung out the bunch of doors running out with bags like it was an endurance race. Then a gust of wind swoops in… and I see it happen.
All the doors slammed at once from the pressure.
I’m like, dude. No frigen way.
So there it is.
I’m like running up and down my yard trying to figure out how the hell I am gonna get back in.
I run up my deck and am like, no frigen way.
Then I see it… I see my window up in my room… and I see the screen is propped out… and the window is unlocked.
I know it… I leave it unlocked.
Ladder.
I run back down and grab the ladder right by my basement door.
I run up the deck again… prop up the ladder… just makes it.
Now I am stepping up cautiously.
Step, creak, step, creak… and I feel it… the wind pick up.
Now the windows at my living room and the bedroom are at the same place, but separated by one story.
This long one as it were.
As I am stepping up, the wind picks up. There it is… the shift. I feel the ladder inch to the left… now to my immediate left… is nothing… air… no deck, no nothing… just me and a ginormous hospital bill.
I get up to the window.
Now I have to perform work… I gotta remove the screen… hold it or drop it… open the window… climb in.
Wind blowing… cold… hands shivering… screen floppy… window is open.
I begin to climb in when I feel the worse thing ever… the ladder gives and falls…
Now I am half in my house… my window open… I’m half in… and trying for leverage… my legs are dangling.
I get myself in… I roll into my room and now I fall into the space in between the bed and the wall and window.
So I am flexed like a V in between the space since when I fell in… I curved in.
Sucks.
I straighten out… but not before the BIGGEST burst of laughter ever… I was like, dude… I wish my friends could see me now.
But the laughter results in me cramping up in my human V.
I fall out of the V and straighten out.
I close the window… I go downstairs.
But this is how smart your luscious friend Andrade is…
He instead of unlocking doors… proceeds to finish taking out his trash… talk about one track mind.
As I am taking the last bag out… SLAM.
Doors slam again… same situation… I’m such an idiot.
But this time when I run down to the deck stairs… I realize… I frigen got the ladder… FROM RIGHT NEXT TO THE BASEMENT DOOR, ya follow?
I try the door… UNLOCKED.
I almost killed myself taking out trash and breaking into my house when all I had to do was twist and push the door knob and door… open.
I’m such an fool.
