My friend Ernesto told me a tale once of percentages… and how a month and days are a matter of perception. I will paraphrase him here and add my own 2… um… percent as it were… but I will add my own harangue about deeds and percentages to follow.
When I was born… a month was SO long because it was all I knew.
When I was 10, a month would go by slowly now that I had developed full cognition… but it was such a great percentage of how old I was.
When I was 16… months would crawl by and the school year would DRAG… because a year and a month were such great percentages of my life.
When I was 20… months began to pick up pace… days would go by and weeks would scream by… months would tick like seconds on the clock sometimes… the percentage of my life that a month was became smaller.
When I was 25… months screamed by… in fact… the time between my 21st birthday and my 25th went by in a flash… a blink… by 25 I had so many memories and so much life in me… that the percentage of my life a month was had most certainly become smaller.
Now that I am 28… so much has happened and I am about to embark on so much… that time passes so fast now… the percentage of time a month is in my life is tiny now… and only becomes smaller… till the time passing becomes infinite… or rather… when I die… all my days end where they began… in oblivion… and all my thoughts, energies, love, and life… pass into infinity… where someone at the right time and place will be born… at the time their body intersects with my energy… and a future generation will be able to appreciate my faults and my strengths.
The same it is with deeds. I am a bad friend, or I think I am, because the percentage of good I have done with people and my life is smaller than when I was younger. When I was younger I had done SO MUCH good… but now that I am older… I have done so little as time passes me by so fast. But time is in the eye of the beholder… and my time does not pass as fast as my friends’ time… since the great percentage of my friends are younger than me by at least 2 – 4 years… and one particular savior of mine has the distinction of being my youngest friend clocking in at 20.
Meaning that to me… everything I think I do is good… but objectively… sometimes so much time passes for them before I do something great that they begin to lose faith as our lives begin to move at different paces.
And I have come to take that for granted. Sometimes, I will do something wrong or allow myself to do something ill-conceived because I assume, I’ll just sleep it off and I’ll get over it… but to my younger friends… it will linger in their heads for some times as time passes slower for them… so before long… it looks like I do one thing good every 6 months… and instead partake in doing terrible things often.
Time has betrayed me… so by erasing myself from their memory for sometime… and let time heal them and allow me to be reborn in their heads… when I come back and assert myself… and take what is mine… and retake my heart… and declare my love for people… and find a good girl that loves me… perception will be my ally… and all people will remember is the new life of good that I have… when I am more aware of time and less apt to be cocky and ruin friendships and hurt people… because if I do not leave… and I continue the way I do… I will become so cocky in my own ability and so ignorant of other’s cares… that I will begin to really be an asshole and do and take things that aren’t mine or I haven’t earned… and that would be the biggest betrayal of my friends… and ultimately…
Me.
